I Miss Words

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Avatar Aang Avatar State
I miss words.

I’ve been quiet in more worlds than just this one.

My attention span is set to 3 seconds. Tops.

Thoughts run in and quickly sprint out.

No matter how productive I may be on any particular day, tasks keep accumulating.

The list of things to do continues to mummify my very existence. Draping and tightly squeezing me until I feel so constricted that the blood flow becomes restricted and my skin turns blue.

Call so-and-so, scan this, print that, email in 5 minutes, respond in one hour, who, what, when, where, how.  

So many things, so many questions; nothing seems to get done, no answers seem to appear.

I was recently in a car accident two weeks ago, which I was not at fault for, however I am the only affected party and I am the one waiting for answers, waiting for resolutions.  

But I am fine.  

Or so I tell myself.

And will continue to tell myself.

All the questions linger like a black cloud that tampers with my daily functioning, my daily focus, my very ability to live and breath.

Which is why I miss words.  

Because I lack them.

What happens to a system in overload? It crashes, it goes quiet.  

I’m said system, I went quiet.  

After a while there are only so many things I can remind myself to do, so many questions I can ask.  

After a while, there is just peace and quiet, even if at some level both are really lacking.  

However, the illusion is enough and although I am infuriated with the process, the waiting, the lingering unanswered questions; I am fine.  

I am grateful.  

Just quiet, lacking words, lacking initiation.  

Half the time I’m grasping for air, so all I focus on is breathing.  

I don’t want to learn some ish, or spread knowledge.  

Not today.

I just want to breath.  Even though I’m lacking words and I miss words, I am fine.

My words will come back.  

Eventually.

Hopefully next week.

We’ll see.  Until then, just wanted to say that I am here just missing words.

[This post was about nothing because I felt like writing about nothing. I just needed to write.]

Happy 2016.

Sooo.. how you been? Does any of this make sense to anybody?

Sources: Header Image (Note: Avatar the Last Airbender, cartoon don’t mention the movie to me, is the best cartoon series ever.  If you don’t know, now you know.)

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18 Comments
  • Rudri Bhatt Patel @ Being Rudri
    January 15, 2016 at 7:43 PM

    Iva, I am sorry to hear you were in a car accident. Wishing you a speedy recovery. I hope the words boomerang back to you soon. xo

    Reply
    • AwesomelyOZ
      January 27, 2016 at 10:40 AM

      Thank you Rudri! Still not there but I’m pretty patient. Lol. Take Care Rudri! -Iva

      Reply
  • Jen
    January 16, 2016 at 8:47 AM

    My love! My sweet, sweet friend. You are overwhelmed and down deep in the well, stuck in the muck and the thick of it. I’ve been there more times than I can count and there is NOTHING, not a damn thing, wrong with what’s going on in your head. It’s ok to be quiet, to be still, to have your greatest accomplishment be the breath moving in and out of those beautiful lungs.

    We’ll be here when your words come back. Until then, shimmer in the silence, my love. There’s a time and place for it all.

    Reply
    • AwesomelyOZ
      January 27, 2016 at 12:30 PM

      Lovely!!! 🙂 Yes stuck in the muck LOL Your words are beautiful, thank you lovely. I am quiet and trying to be ok with it. My quiet blog makes me sad but I can’t focus on anything for more than a mere second and my blog deserves better than that. Glad to know a few will still be reading my words when they come back Lol 🙂 I am going to shimmer in silence indeed lovely!! Talk soon Jen! <3 -Iva

      Reply
  • Danielle @ typed
    January 16, 2016 at 4:47 PM

    Oh man, I hope everything comes back into place for you. I’m sorry about the accident. I can empathize with feeling overwhelmed. Our lives seem controlled by to-do lists until it becomes uncontrollable. I hope you’re ok. Take care!

    Reply
    • AwesomelyOZ
      January 27, 2016 at 12:39 PM

      Thank you Danielle! They will, slowly. 🙂 Just gotta stay on top of things. Haha yes – to-do lists can become uncontrollable! I’m well thank you for checking in Danielle! Take Care and talk soon! -Iva

      Reply
  • Erin @ Erin's Inside Job
    January 17, 2016 at 4:03 PM

    This definitely makes sense. Sometimes you just need a break! Hope to see you again soon when you’re recharged 🙂

    Reply
    • AwesomelyOZ
      January 27, 2016 at 12:42 PM

      Yes sometimes you just do – unfortunately I don’t WANT to take a break but I can’t juggle everything I have to juggle right now at once. 🙂 I will be here – lingering lol… around 🙂 Thank you love! Take care Erin and talk soon! -Iva

      Reply
  • Noor Unnahar
    January 19, 2016 at 4:42 PM

    Gosh! I am so sorry to hear about your accident, Iva. I hope you’re all well now. Sending my wishes your way <3
    Don't worry about words. They are pretty strange. They come in flow & disappear when pressurized. Let them come on their own!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
    • AwesomelyOZ
      January 27, 2016 at 12:45 PM

      Thank you Noor 🙂 I am well, thank you for the well wishes <3 Haha you're right, words are pretty strange - they do disappear sometimes and it makes me sad. I am patiently awaiting, as patient as I can be anyways. 🙂 Hope you're doing well Noor! Talk Soon and take care love -Iva

      Reply
  • Yvonne Chase
    January 20, 2016 at 2:47 PM

    “Be still and know that I am God” came to mind as I read this. There’s power in stillness and quietness.

    Reply
    • AwesomelyOZ
      January 27, 2016 at 12:53 PM

      Thank you Yvonne for your words and message. 🙂 Yes there definitely is power in stillness and quietness. I have been enjoying the peace. One day at a time all is well thank goodness. Have a great one and talk soon Yvonne! -Iva

      Reply
  • Tamara
    January 20, 2016 at 4:52 PM

    It does make sense and they do come back. Always.
    Also, really glad you’re ok! Car accidents are terrifying.

    Reply
    • AwesomelyOZ
      January 27, 2016 at 12:55 PM

      Glad it makes sense and they DO come back *whew*.. Waiting patiently. 🙂 Thank you love, yes accidents are terrifying – it was my first one! Ahh!!! 🙂 I am well though, thank you lovely for checking in. Talk soon Tam Tam! xoxo -Iva

      Reply
  • Jackie
    January 23, 2016 at 10:53 AM

    Sorry about the car accident – so scary, but glad that you are ok. And sometimes you just need a break and hopefully you can be back to writing when you’re ready.

    Reply
    • AwesomelyOZ
      January 27, 2016 at 12:57 PM

      Thank you Jackie! All is well, thankfully. 🙂 Yes I’m also taking a break because I’m studying but you know all of it combined something had to give. I guess my words did! Have a great one and talk soon! -Iva

      Reply
  • Melissa
    January 28, 2016 at 2:30 PM

    Iva, I’m so sorry to hear you were in a car crash! Hope everything is ok and that you can get back on track soon. I get you though, the beginning of the year can totally be a brain overload. Feel better soon!

    Reply
  • Charlotte
    February 3, 2016 at 10:37 AM

    I’ve missed you. It’s always wonderful to be back in your home and read your authentic words. Sometimes the words don’t come and that’s okay. It’s a reminder to slow down, take a break, take care of what’s needs doing, refocus. I’m so so sorry to hear about your car accident and hope you find all the answers and peace soon. Please don’t ever hesitate to reach out if there’s anything I can help with.

    Sending lots of love and sunshine your way, momma. XOXO

    Reply

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