I miss words.
I’ve been quiet in more worlds than just this one.
My attention span is set to 3 seconds. Tops.
Thoughts run in and quickly sprint out.
No matter how productive I may be on any particular day, tasks keep accumulating.
The list of things to do continues to mummify my very existence. Draping and tightly squeezing me until I feel so constricted that the blood flow becomes restricted and my skin turns blue.
Call so-and-so, scan this, print that, email in 5 minutes, respond in one hour, who, what, when, where, how.
So many things, so many questions; nothing seems to get done, no answers seem to appear.
I was recently in a car accident two weeks ago, which I was not at fault for, however I am the only affected party and I am the one waiting for answers, waiting for resolutions.
But I am fine.
Or so I tell myself.
And will continue to tell myself.
All the questions linger like a black cloud that tampers with my daily functioning, my daily focus, my very ability to live and breath.
Which is why I miss words.
Because I lack them.
What happens to a system in overload? It crashes, it goes quiet.
I’m said system, I went quiet.
After a while there are only so many things I can remind myself to do, so many questions I can ask.
After a while, there is just peace and quiet, even if at some level both are really lacking.
However, the illusion is enough and although I am infuriated with the process, the waiting, the lingering unanswered questions; I am fine.
I am grateful.
Just quiet, lacking words, lacking initiation.
Half the time I’m grasping for air, so all I focus on is breathing.
I don’t want to learn some ish, or spread knowledge.
I just want to breath. Even though I’m lacking words and I miss words, I am fine.
My words will come back.
Hopefully next week.
We’ll see. Until then, just wanted to say that I am here just missing words.
[This post was about nothing because I felt like writing about nothing. I just needed to write.]
Sooo.. how you been? Does any of this make sense to anybody?
Sources: Header Image (Note: Avatar the Last Airbender, cartoon don’t mention the movie to me, is the best cartoon series ever. If you don’t know, now you know.)